oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
