you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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