i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
