I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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