it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
