Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
false alarm, still single
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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