i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
