I feel great
I just peed on a car
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
