yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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