Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
