can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
