Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
