I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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