you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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