She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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