"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
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