I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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