so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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