By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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