I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
