When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
did i walk over a car last night?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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