Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
