Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
