it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
