I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
if only i could text you this smell
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Can I color on your dick again?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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