So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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