you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I want to be your penis for a week.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
