hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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