Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
