theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
