She's JV to your varsity
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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