Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I party with great urgency now.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
