My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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