Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Is this like a preordered booty call?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
