I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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