Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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