I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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