New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
