A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
