I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
