I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
