I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
