last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
