i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
