We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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