In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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