Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
