Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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