Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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