can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
false alarm, still single
Randomize
