We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
