Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
