How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
