It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
